How not to look like a serial killer

This is a true story!

Note: I’ve been reluctant to put this on my site out of respect for the victims. I now feel that enough time has passed that I can tell this story.

April 29, 2001: Richard Baumhammers, a lawyer from Pittsburgh, PA, went on a hate-driven killing spree, targeting Jewish, Chinese, and African Americans. He was caught, convicted, and sentenced to death.

In the days following his attack, several people went out of their way to notice my striking resemblance to him.

This is my story.

I remember that day, it was four days after my 32nd birthday and I stopped in to see my girlfriend who worked in the video department of a local store. While I was standing talking to her, I noticed a TV showing a local newscast with a video of a man being put into a police car. I immediately noticed the resemblance and commented to my girlfriend, “You know, with a little different haircut, that’s me.” To which she replied, “Guess what he drives?”

Little did I know this was only the beginning. The front page of the local paper the next morning naturally had a photo. Foolishly, I went to work, the way I always do. When I got there, my cubicle (by that I mean a “cell” with 3 4-foot walls and a concrete pillar) had been completely PLASTERED with this photo. Being in IT, I knew just about everyone in the company, and through the day, they all mentioned it to me. Ha-Ha, I get it. Now I’ve got work to do.

Again, without thinking about it, I went to the gym after work, the way I always do. I was thinking about other things when I got there. But when I walked in, the 15 or so police officers that I often work out with could not wait to point out the resemblance. To this day, they still call me “Baumhammers”.

It would be bad enough if I only looked like him. But there’s more to it. My girlfriend had informed me that he drove a black Jeep Cherokee, as I did until 2003. He live approximately 3 miles from my house and after he was caught, they took him to a mental hospital just over a mile from my house for observation and diagnosis. So now I couldn’t even ride my bicycle in the community without hearing it from strangers.

After about a month of this, I went to see Candy, the woman who has cut my hair for the last 8+ years. When I sat in the chair, she asked me the usual “So, what are we doing today?” To which I replied, “I don’t care, but I’m not getting out of this chair until I no longer look like Richard Baumhammers.” That opened the floodgate. Everyone in the place began laughing and saying how they had thought that was me on the news. Candy even told me that people had come up to her asking if I was “that guy”. We ended up shortening and bleaching my hair that day, and it seemed to work. I briefly shaved off my goatee, but let it grow back as I prefer the way I look with it. (It helps break up the monotony of my face.) I also went out and purchased new glasses as the frames I had at the time were identical to his.

Even with these changes, the similarities did not escape strangers. The building I worked in at the time was also home to Mental Health offices associated with a local hospital. One day as I was getting off the elevator to go to lunch, I said hello to one of my co-workers who was returning. Accompanying her onto the elevator, were two elderly ladies. When I returned, my co-worker told me that as soon as the doors closed, one of them looked to the other and said, “Isn’t that that Richard Mikehammer guy?”

The most chilling thing is that I had actually met him a few months before the killings. I went to the local bar where my friends and I hang out on most Fridays. I was early and noticed a man sitting at the bar who bore an uncanny resemblance to me. I naturally saw this as an incredible opportunity for practical jokes. So I sent him a beer. I walked over to introduce myself. He never turned to acknowledge my presence. He had a “thousand-yard stare” that was, at best, unsettling. I made my exit without turning my back to him.

Yeah, I see it..