There were times I used to wonder what happens to us after we die. As a philosophy minor, I read several texts, religious and otherwise, that would touch on the subject from time to time. After many years pondering the subject, looking at photos of “ghosts”, researching on my own and drinking several white russians, I’ve found the answer.rnrn Apparently, after you die, you stay on Earth wandering aimlessly, often in a Buick where you will drive at roughly 15 miles an hour with no particular place to go and always RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!! Apparently the ability to apply sufficient pressure to a gas pedal is greatly diminished after you die. But, the instinct to tie up the passing lane is quite prevalent in the undead, or whatever you want to call them.
It has been noted, though not carefully studied that recognizing the color green and properly interpreting its meaning in the context of traffic is also severely protracted once death has been achieved. I can only assume that there is an extensive government study currently in progress as there are cameras at every intersection I seem to approach (often just as the damn light is turning yellow).rnrn I know this will put me in the running for a Nobel Prize, but I think it should really go to the guy who invented “YooHoo”. Or the people who started making Pepsi and Mt. Dew with real sugar again. They truly are the heroes.
Jim says: “DRIVE TOWARD THE FREAKING LIGHT ALREADY!!!!”
