Oh Yeah?!? Well, if I’ve “outgrown it”, how come it still fits?
This is why I’m a Jedi Master, and you’re just a stupid ex-girlfriend!!!
Jim Says:”The Jets are finally back and there’s no hockey. This is what waterboarding must feel like.”
As the election draws closer and the blame for the rough economy gets thrown from party to party, I’m reminded of the plan a few years ago to build a wall along the Mexican border to prevent people from sneaking back to Guadalajara with our jobs hidden under their coats
It got me to thinking, as long we’re going to use this as a “job creator” and hide behind the promise that it is somehow not racist but, in fact, protection of some kind, let’s do it right. I’ve drawn up a map with a few additional improvements.
As you can see, the original border wall is still in place, to help protect our jobs and such. I’ve also added a couple of much needed ones. First, is the wall across the Northern edge of Florida, henceforth to be known as “North Cuba”. That’s right, I say we wall it off and give it to Cuba as an apology and sign of goodwill. I know what you’re saying, how is giving someone millions of acres of swampland populated with inbred luddites a sign of good will? Well, we’re including Disney World. And two Primanti Brothers.
In addition to that, we can build a second wall around Luisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia. These 4 states will now be known as “Nascaristan”. This idea has been a long time coming, but the final straw was the incident from an episode of Top Gear UK, where Alabama embarrasses our entire country on the global stage.
http://youtu.be/4jG0D2nRGrQ
The real genius of this plan is that having Cuba just on the other side of the border wall, Nascaristan will be so busy hating on them for no reason to cause problems for the rest of us.
Then again, we can always just apply my usual foreign policy and “Nuke them from space”.
Jim Says: “How am I not President?”
Prank idea #11,427
(Inspired by a recent doctor’s visit)
List a random friend of your as the emergency contact during a medical visit. Then if anything happens, they’ll get a very serious phone call and not know what to do next. Not only is it a great prank, but if you die, you get the last word.
Jim Says: “Phil, if I die, the look on your face will be priceless!!”
I enjoy writing. Ideas for stories can be inspired by the smallest incidents while talking with friends or just being out and about. Sometimes, the idea flows smoothly and and pours onto the page like a fine wine. At other times, a full head of steam will dissipate like a fart in the wind leaving me with nowhere to go.
At times like that, I’ll just let the words fall where they may and fix it later. Here are a few examples from some of the various works in progress that have yet to be published on this site. Continue Reading